when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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