Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
