I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
