Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
