My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
