So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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