I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
