I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
