so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
