Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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