I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
