I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Terrible idea I love it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
