I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
