she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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