Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
