every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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