It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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