I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
