just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
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His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
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Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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