he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
