SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
