Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
