OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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