And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
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remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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