i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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