Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
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I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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