What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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