i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
