you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
someone owes me an orgasm
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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