i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
