so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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