I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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