but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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