I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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