I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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