it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
