Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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