Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
they need to just BURY HIM!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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