i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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