i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
