he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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