Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
