Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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