I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize