you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
