So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
false alarm. still invincible.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
