the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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