I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
