She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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