I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.