i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.