I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
