idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
