his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.