Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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