i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
