If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
