I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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