OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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