I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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