Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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