I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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