he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
