If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
