you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
