just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
