I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
