it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
