Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
