she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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