Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
