i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
how does that bad decision feel?
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