Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
3pm strippers are depressing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
