Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize