Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
