ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Panties = found
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
