I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
